Get 'em while they're "hot" -
yes, it's....
Smokestack Commemorative Bricks!!!!
Ladies and Gentlemen, in light of the sad news of our beloved (?) smokestack being dismantled, the LIPSCOMB UNDERGROUND is bringing you this special offer.  For a limited time only, receive your "Smokestack Commemorative Brick", straight from the bottom of the smokestack (because that's all we could reach) for only $99.95!!!  (As an added bonus, for an extra $15.95, Dr. McKelvey will personally "pray for your soul."  Or if you're not that concerned about eternity, $10.95 will earn you mention in one of Nathan ____'s chapel stories).
Use your new Brick as a paperweight, footstool, or just display it for the world to see.  An item the whole family can enjoy.
And if you act now, we'll engrave your brick with your name and the scripture of your choice for only $49.95 more!!!
Scripture choices for Brick engraving
(sorry, our only version choice is the NAPCOCV -
the New American Paraphrased and Completely Out of Context Version):
Do unto others what has been done to you.
1 CHR 16:42 - And with them, Paul Prill was responsible for the nose flute and other instruments of sacred song.
Do unto others.
Do all things.
EXODUS 20:13 - Thall shall not kill, ever, not even in war, not even if you are about to be assaulted.  Killing is always a no-no.  Can't we all just get along?
EXODUS 20 - Thou shalt not drive so fast on your EZ-GO cart, lest you run over a student.
1 SAM 9:3 - Saul searched for his asses, but couldn't find them with both hands.
PSALM 23 - Yea though I walk through the student center, I will fear no evil.  My glock and my checkbook, they comfort me.  Even though I am surrounded by the faithless masses (social club members), I will not lose consciousness due to the overwhelming odor of "Tommy for men".   Lawrence baby leads me to sit in the cool air of DQ and have an overpriced chicken finger basket.  Surely student loans and donation requests will follow me all the days of my life.
1 SAM 18:25 - If you really want to marry my daughter, bring me the foreskins of 100 people from New Jersey.
EPHE 5:18 - Thou shalt not drink any form of alcohol.  Not even if you are by yourself and you drink in complete moderation.  Not even if there are proven health benefits.  Not even because Jesus probably drank wine several times.  Drink only beverages containing non-taboo drugs like Sun-Drop and coffee.
SOMEWHERE IN THE APOCRYPHA - Forget grace, I'm saving myself through chapel and daily bible.
SOMEWHERE ELSE IN THE APOCRYPHA - Don't smoke.  It's just plain evil.
ANOTHER APOCRYPHAL VERSE - If you choose to dance, you will go to hell.  Unless you are completely naked like David, then it's OK.
UNKNOWN - Screw baptism, just be a nice guy.
MATT 21:12-13 - And Stephen Prewitt entered the Lipscomb bookstore and drove out all those who were selling their overpriced books.  He overturned the tables and shelves of the money changers and said, "It is written 'My bookstore shall be called a fair place, but you are making it a den of robbers.'"
Also available for a limited time:
Burton Bible Commemorative Bricks - $599.95 (because they're not actually tearing this building down)
Bottled Steam - $69.95 large - $59.95 small -
Straight from the depths of Lipscomb!!  I'm sure you've seen steam a risin' from any number of half-covered manholes across campus.  Well, it's almost gone, so get your bottle now, while supplies last.
written by Clay Chambers & Brian Holaway

Taken from Spring 1998
LU#16 "Don't sit under the grits tree with anyone else but me"