* Find an
attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim her nails,
and give her new clothes. Then she's yours. (Deuteronomy 21:11-13)
* Find a
prostitute and marry her. (Hosea 1:1-3)
* Find a
man with seven daughters, and impress him by watering his flock. (Moses--Exodus
a piece of property, and get a woman as part of the deal. (Boaz--Ruth 4:5-10)
* Go to
a party and hide. When the women come out to dance, grab one and
carry her off to be your wife. (Benjaminites--Judges 21:19-25)
* Have God
create a wife for you while you sleep. Note: this will cost you a
rib. (Adam--Genesis 2:19-24)
to work seven years in exchange for a woman's hand in marriage. Get
tricked into marrying the wrong woman. Then work another seven years
for the woman you wanted to marry in the first place. That's right.
Fourteen years of toil for a wife. (Jacob--Genesis 29:15-30)
* Even if
no one is out there, just wander around a bit and you'll definitely find
someone. (It's all relative, of course.) (Cain--Genesis 4:16-17)
the emperor of a huge nation and hold a beauty contest. (Xerxes or
* When you
see someone you like, go home and tell your parents, "I have seen a ...
woman; now get her for me." If your parents question your decision,
simply say, "Get her for me. She's the one for me."
* Kill any
husband and take HIS wife (Prepare to lose four sons, though).
(David--2 Samuel 11)
* Wait for
your brother to die. Take his widow. (It's not just a good
idea; it's the law.) (Onana and Boaz--Deuteronomy or Leviticus, example
be so picky. Make up for quality with quantity. (Solomon--1
* A wife?...NOT!
(Paul--1 Corinthians 7:32-35)
Back to the Cheese